When your spouse won't cooperate

Name what isn’t happening

Not cooperating can mean a lot of things. A refusal to list is different from a refusal to let buyers in, and both are different from a spouse who agrees and then won't sign at closing. Write down exactly what's stuck. It helps your attorney, and it helps me figure out whether there's anything I can do from the sale side.

Sometimes the problem is information. One of you has seen the numbers and the other hasn't, or doesn't trust where they came from.

If that's the issue, I can help. A spouse who receives the same pricing analysis, from the same person, on the same day, has one less reason to suspect the numbers were built against them.

What the law says

Once the summons and petition are served, ORS 107.093 restrains both of you from transferring or encumbering property the other has an interest in without the other's written consent or a court order. Either of you can ask for a hearing. ORS 107.095 lets the court issue temporary orders on use and possession of property and who pays the liens while the case is pending.

Separately, Oregon's partition statute, ORS 105.205, lets co-owners ask a court to divide property, and a court can order a sale when a property can't be divided without great prejudice. How that fits with a divorce case is a question only your attorney can answer. Don't try it on your own.

Write down every date: when papers were served, when you proposed listing, when you got an answer. Your attorney will ask.

What I will and won’t do

I won't pressure your spouse, and I won't take your side against them. I don't carry messages. What I will do, if you both want me involved, is send your spouse exactly what I've sent you: the pricing analysis, the estimated net, and how I'd run the sale. Under ORS 696.805 a seller's agent owes honesty and good faith to all parties, and a spouse who sees that up close sometimes relaxes.

If your spouse would rather hear from someone else, that's fine, and I'll make sure whoever they trust, whether an attorney, a mediator or a friend with real estate experience, has the same documents I gave you. The initial agency disclosure pamphlet explains who an agent works for, and I hand it out at first contact.

I also won't list a jointly owned house with only one owner's agreement, even before papers are served, because everyone on title signs the deed at the end and a listing one owner is fighting is not one I can promise a buyer will close.

Some counties offer another route

Each county's local rules handle money disputes differently. In Linn and Benton counties, SLR 13.005 lets the court require arbitration when property and debt are the only issues left. Benton's SLR 12.015 also lets parties agree to mediate property, debt and support. Lane's rules have no property mediation program, but parties can agree to use an independent mediator. Benton's financial mediation is by agreement, so both of you have to say yes to it.

Ask your attorney which of these fits. Your county matters.

Arbitration and mediation both take the house out of the back-and-forth between the two of you and put it in front of a neutral person, which can matter a great deal when every phone call about the house turns into a fight about something else.

Steps that tend to help

The guide for when you're not speaking has more on running a sale entirely in writing, from the first pricing email to the final closing instructions, so neither of you ever depends on a conversation the other remembers differently. It works. None of these steps is a guarantee. Some spouses come around when they see the numbers and some never do, and that's when the attorneys and the court take over and I wait for their direction. Keep every proposal polite and short.

1. Put your proposal in writing, through your attorney, with the numbers attached.
2. Offer your spouse a separate meeting with me, so they hear it firsthand rather than from you.
3. Suggest a pricing method you both control, such as an appraisal you choose together.
4. If showings are the problem, propose a written schedule with notice times both of you sign.
5. If nothing moves, ask your attorney about a hearing under ORS 107.093 or temporary orders under ORS 107.095.