Selling with kids at home

Before the sign goes up

What you tell your children, and when, is your decision, not mine. I'd only ask that you decide together before the listing goes live, because a sign, a lockbox and strangers walking through will prompt questions. Kids deserve the same answer from both parents. Agree on the words first.

Give me a heads-up on timing. I can hold the sign.

If you'd like some time between telling the kids and the first showing, tell me how much, and I'll hold the listing until then, even if the photos are ready and the paperwork is signed.

Showings around routines

Bedtimes, homework, naps, practices: whatever the household runs on, I'll build the showing windows around it. We'll agree in writing on which hours are off limits and how much notice I give. If a buyer wants a time outside those windows, I'll ask, and the answer can be no. School nights can be off limits entirely if you'd like.

Kids' rooms don't need to look like a catalog. Tidy, with private things put away, is plenty. The planning the move around the kids guide has more ideas for keeping their space their own while the house is on the market.

I'll also tell you both ahead of time which showings are booked, so whichever of you has the kids that day can plan around them without hearing about it from the other parent at the last minute.

Keep them out of the middle

I never ask a child to pass a message, open the door for a showing or explain anything to a buyer. I'd ask the same of everyone involved. Kids hear more than adults think. If you and your spouse aren't speaking, I'll send each of you the same email rather than route anything through the household.

Paperwork matters here too. Offers, pricing and closing documents will be on kitchen tables and in inboxes, so keep them somewhere kids won't stumble across them.

If an older child asks you directly about the sale, the price or the buyers, that's your conversation to have, and I'd only suggest that you and your spouse agree beforehand on how much detail you'll share. Keep buyer feedback out of earshot, too.

The house and parenting time are separate

Where the children live and how parenting time works are decided in the divorce, not in the sale. In Lane County, SLR 8.012 requires mediation when custody or parenting time is in dispute, and SLR 8.011 requires parent education; that mediation doesn't cover the house or money. In Linn and Benton counties, SLR 12.005 requires mediation of custody and parenting time disputes unless the court finds good cause, and in Douglas County, SLR 12.015 requires it for any custody or parenting time dispute.

Ask your attorney how the parenting plan and the move date fit together. Then tell me the date.

If the parenting plan isn't settled yet, a closing date can still be negotiated, but tell your attorney before you agree to one.

Photos and privacy

Listing photos go online, and they're copied to other sites. Before the photographer arrives, take down family pictures, names on bedroom doors, artwork with names on it and calendars with the kids' schedules. It's about privacy, not decor.

I review every photo before it's published and send both of you the full set to approve, so neither parent finds a picture of their child's room online without having seen it first. Check the photos together if you can. If a room has to be photographed while it's in use, I'll work with whoever is there to make it tidy without boxing up the things a child relies on every night.

Timing the move

If you can, choose a closing date that lines up with a natural break for your household, and let me know it before we negotiate with a buyer. A closing date is one of the terms I can ask for in a counteroffer, with both of you agreeing first.

Moving twice is hard on anyone. If either of you needs a rental between the sale and your next place, give yourselves room in the timeline. I'll keep the closing date in front of both of you from the first offer.

If the two of you will be in different homes after closing, think about where the kids' things go first, so their rooms are set up somewhere before the old ones are packed. Pack the kids' rooms last.